Life is all about...Suffering

Strapped

You swallowed my body and now you're trying to digest me
I am struggling but you're thick and strong
I zipped my orifice though I'm not guilty
Because I thought suffering would prove the straitjacket wrong

Each day I move along with you I don't have a choice
So every burning hour I try not to be a stranger
I used to speak but you can't hear me because you changed my voice
Now the visitors think that I am causing the danger

Your reflection is what you always want to find
That's why you can't see me the problem is your eyes
Damn you! Who told you to make my people blind?
But honestly somehow I need you because I live in ice

Now I lost some identity still you haven't attained completion
I managed to fill the spaces but you don't get satisfied
What else will you take my feet and my direction?
Will you ever get tired, you're there even if I hide?

Unlock your belts I can't carry you anymore, don't wait 'till I'm perished
Sorry I don't want to hurt you, you're pathetic
Behind you a thing exists and it's waiting to be unleashed
Beware I'm not who you think I am so go panic

I love you but fuck you straitjacket
I should be free so release me I want to fly
I can't bare to see you and my carcass in a casket
I don't want to struggle when I die

Identity

NamE: Julie Ann
aGe: 17
BdAy: October 9
ZodiAc Sign: Libra
LiKeS: Wrestling, Webpage design, Movies, Books, UBEs, Drinking Sessions,

Impared Eyes Sees...

Books: portals leading to my frustrations
School: the morning, the afternoon and the evening
Politics: it's fucked!
Laws: useless!...but it will make the world a better place
Filipinos: wasted!...but there are others who make an exception
Philippines: garbage!...but there are little heavens in it
Weaknesses: they don't make me less of a human but rather less of a person
Fats: makes my life more complicated
Mistakes: inevitable but it adds quality to life
Pain: doesn't come in handy, only time could heal
Suffering: has always been my option
Boyfriend: what, who, when, where, why, how?
Men: are beautiful; sometimes I wish I'm one of them
Women: men's greatest weakness; I'm proud to be one
Marriage: not there yet, groom still at large
Sex: the main event...has to be something worth the wait
Friends: makes me psychologically balanced
Family: the past, the present and definitely the future
Religion: two! and unpracticed!
Future: I don't know what it holds but I know who holds it
Art: try me!
Music: I don't exist for music but I won't persist without it
Wrestling: the air that I breathe and the blood that runs through my veins
Faith: I still have one
Love: may not make the world go round but it makes the ride worth while
Hell: where you can find half of my body
Heaven: I'm buying my way there
Salvation: not sure if I'm qualified
Death: romantic for those who have lived life to the fullest
Life: tragic for those who have nothing to live for
God: I exist, therefore, so as he

Accidents:

Spendthrift: money: no matter how hard you keep it, you're still going to lose it
Optimistic: I believe that everything happens for a reason
Perfectionist: perfect things are only done by somebody who wants it done perfectly
Forgiving: because I also want to be forgiven
Indecisive: sometimes I'm unable to make up my mind that's why I often ask for signs
Fence-sitter: as much as possible I don't take a stand on an issue, until I am forced to choose
Cheerful: I don't take life too seriously get used to it
Daydreamer: it is free to dream

Handpicks

Professional Wrestlers:
Shawn Michaels
Triple H
Undertaker
John Cena
Jeff Hardy
Steve Austin
Batista
Eddie Guerrero
Randy Orton

Colors:
Gold
Silver
Green
Black
White

Movies:
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Dog Soldiers
Finding Neverland
If Only [I cried in this movie]
The Passion of the Christ
The Count of Monte Cristo
Interview with the Vampire
Face/Off
Con Air
Constantine
School of Rock
Rock Star
Back to the Future 1-3
50 First Dates
The Longest Yard
Center Stage
The Cutting Edge
So Close
The Man in the Iron Mask
Catch Me If You Can
Romeo and Juliet
The Beach
El Crimen del Padre Amarro
Y tu Mama Tambien
and...

Food & Drinks:
Ice cream(esp. the limited edition Spongebob squarepants bubblegum flavor)
Pizza(any flavor and brand)
sioPao(Asado)
Chocolate(Cadbury,Hershey's,Nestle)
Choco mallows $ marsh mallows
Apple juice
Manga(esp. the ripe one)
Mais
Planters & Pringles
Coffee

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

...Age Doesn't Really Matter...

I tried to ignore it before but now the situation itself demands for attention...I am 17 and I'm already in The Corporate World...that's how he said it, our trainer...and it really brought me into a real deep silence...and it made me remember all the things that I have intentionally ignored before...

It is a fact that I entered school too early. I don't know how it happened but I guess saying that my mom is one of the teachers in the school where I first attended explains it. Also, I believe that I had to go to school a year earlier because nobody was left to look after me. So my parents had no choice but to enroll me even if I didn't qualify to study yet. When I was a child, it's not hard for me to interact with other children since everybody still thinks of the same things, you know; lollipops, playgrounds, Santa Clause, balloons, birthday parties, etc. However, the years when my light or reason started to activate, I became aware of the fact that the people who were around me were not the same age as I am...I mean my childhood friends and my elementary classmates. But it was not a big deal that time. I even felt proud because I'm stepping on the same floor with them, yet, they were not there at my age. In fact, some of them envied me because I was able to fill out a position where they weren't able to fill when they were at my age.

When I stepped to secondary education, that's how I started to think that there's really something wrong with me...I mean my age, specially when I was on the last three years of high school. My classmates were all busy flirting with each other and I'm left on the corner thinking about the games that I want to play. I had friends but we're not that close. Most of the girls were busy with their boyfriends while I was busy studying our lessons [fact]. There was even a situation when one of the boys in the class wants to copy answers from my assignment but I strongly refused and told that guy these words "you have a girl friend but you can't even manage to answer your assignment...".I really thought that there's nothing wrong with what I did...I'm just being honest. But then I thought I should've not acted that way because it's very childish...but of course I stick to what I always believe...Yes, I maybe young but I am old enough to be reasonable.

Now that I'm in college, I can still find issues regarding my age. Sometimes I feel that I should not enter school for a year because I don't fit in the class. Everybody's already celebrating their debuts and my only purpose is to attend their party. Everybody has their own license; they can already participate in the national election. In fact, some of them are no longer virgins [but I'm not saying that I should lose my virginity as well] My point is I feel like I'm forced/obliged to think the way they think...though we're not of the same age. Some may say that there's no problem at all because we're talking about a difference of one year only...but they don't get it. That one year difference is a big deal for me. [It's so ambiguous that I can't really explain it]
Ever since I started my social life, I've always been the youngest in the class/group [circle of friends] where I end up with (except when I was 2nd year). I can't avoid thinking that I don't fit in, but I can't deny that most of the time I'm proud of it.

In conclusion I found out that it is only me who made age matter when in fact it really doesn't, it is the way we think that matters...our way of thinking doesn't go with our age.

This is the most important portion of this 'gibberishness':

The Corporate World

I am 17 and I'm already working...in the corporate world/ the world of professionals [something that I really never imagined that will happen to me]. And I'm working in the number 1 call center company in the Phil. and in the U.S., CONVERGYS Corporation; which means that I have very high standards and expectations to meet...which seriously pressures me.
Well, this is what actually happened [this morning]: I was about to recite something but my trainer, Eric, wasn't able to hear it. He has told me before that my voice is not well projected so when I recited he kinda' got mad because I didn't improve. He called me his "underage trainee", by the way. After I answered he told me "you're already in the corporate world"...so act professionally [this part is not the exact words that he used but this is what he implied]. After he said that I realized that he's right. It's not the environment that will bend for me; I'm the one who should adjust to the environment.

When Eric and I had what I call our "heart-to-heart-and-brain-to-brain-talk" last week where he gave feedback from the jobs that I've been doing he told me that there's no problem with my pronunciation and intonation [which I was happy to hear]. My only problem is my assertiveness. He told me that I am assertive but I'm not assertive enough. He even mentioned that he knows that I have lots of things in my mind but I'm not just expressing them. Also, he told me that he's willing to help. And the highlight of all that he said was related to my age again because he felt that my problem with assertiveness is somewhat affected by my age...so he said that I should be proud... I'm young but I'm better than the other trainees...and the best was when he told me that I should take my age as an ADVANTAGE.

I was really inspired upon hearing those words. He's very encouraging and convincing. I believed in him because he has been in my position before...he told me that he got his job as a trainer when he was 21; not to mention that majority of his trainees were older than him. So I thought this man believes in me...what can I say? I was so happy because he's the very first person who really encouraged and inspired me that way and who really made me feel that I am somebody and I could still be somebody who's better. I'm sincerely grateful that he's our trainer. Actually, I'm supposed to be in Ortigas but there were no slots available for me there so I was transferred to Makati...unknowing that my life will change there...GOD's plan is really far way better than what we have in our minds. Now I know why I was there...I'm about to meet the people who will make a difference in my worthless life.

This is really a turning point for me...

...I THANK GOD...

9:19 AM

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